Of Monsters and Men (Yuri Otabek)
by RoseAnthem
Summary: Ever since the day dark, mysterious, and endearing Otabek Altin told Yuri Plisetsky that he had the eyes of a soldier, Yuri hasn't been able to stop thinking about him, the boy who saw him as something other than a beautiful, delicate fairy. Now three years later, Otabek has moved to Russia to live with Mila, his new fiancee.
1. Chapter 1: Eyes

Chapter 1: Eyes

I twirl a piece of my blonde hair carefully around my finger. It's been a while since I got a trim, I'd started growing it out when I was fifteen, but now it's just getting in the way when I skate and it kind of makes me look like a girl. I push it back out my eyes and cock my head at myself in the mirror. My pale reflection bores back at me, my green eyes stay dull and unblinking.

"Yuri Plisetsky had the unforgettable eyes of a soldier." His voice echoes in my head once again.

I sigh and drop my hand, the hair falling back swiftly. That day is always on my mind. I look down at my hand, still faintly remembering his firm grip. Otabek. He'd asked me to become friends with him that day in Barcelona before the Grand Prix Finals, saying that he thought we were alike. I wanted to deny it, but the look in his eyes made me believe that he was so sure about what he was saying. It gave me a sense of hope, that maybe I wasn't so different from everyone else. We stayed in touch a little after the finals, but after a few weeks we just stopped talking all together. Yet, I still cannot stop thinking about what he said to me, how we cheered each other on, and the connection that I felt with him.

I was fifteen though, and really dumb, maybe I was overthinking everything. He'd only asked to become friends, that isn't really anything special; but, that had never happened to me before. I was always alone, kept to myself and only focused on my skating. I'd look at my competitors as enemies, except for Viktor who I strived to be one day, and Yuuri Katsuki who I respected. But everyone else, I hated them all. If I lost to them, it felt like I was being stripped of who I was and what made me happy. So when he'd asked to become my friend that day, I was scared and caught off guard, but I knew his intentions were good. He looked at me like no other person had seen me, he saw me as a soldier instead of a fairy, he gave me a confidence I didn't even know I had.

He was my first friend. Even here in Russia I never had friends, still don't to this day. They're just a distraction to me, and I've been skating since I was a young boy, all of my time is invested into mastering my routines. I never had the chance to make a connection with anyone, and then Otabek came along and pretty much forced me to make one with him.

I feel a smile tug at the edge of my lips. I wonder what he's up to now.

My cat Piroshki strides quietly into the washroom then and nuzzles my ankle. I pick him up and head downstairs, making sure to grab my jacket and sports bag before I do. My grandfather, Nikolai, is in the kitchen flipping pancakes and singing a song that I don't know. I've been living with him for a while now, I don't know who my father is and my mother is barely ever in the country. He's really my only family.

I sit down at the table and run my fingers through Piroshki's soft fur. "Hey grandpa, I'm gonna be heading out soon, can you save breakfast for me?" I ask him.

"Whaaaattt? Are you serious? But I wanted to sit down and eat with my Yuratchka today!" He pouts.

I smile and shake my head. "Sorry grandpa, but I need to practice. The new skating season is coming up soon, I can't waste my time lazing around."

"Hey," He walks over with a plate stacked high with pancakes. "Eating with your dedushka is not a waste of time young man."

I stand up, placing Piroshki carefully onto the floor. "I'm sorry, maybe tomorrow? Feed Piroshki for me when I'm gone too OK?" I feel him watching me as I slip on my jacket, I glance back at him. "What?"

He shrugs. "Oh nothing, it's just that everyday you're looking more and more like your mother."

I sneer, tugging at my long hair. "Is that supposed to be a compliment?"

He sighs. "Are you still angry at her for missing your birthday this year? It wasn't her fault you know, she's a very busy woman." He cuts a piece of the pancake and gives it to Piroshki. I watch him quietly as he chews then nudges his leg for more. "What a greedy cat." He mutters.

I pick up my bag, slinging it around my shoulder. "It doesn't matter if she was busy, I'm her only child, she could have at least remembered my eighteenth birthday. I'm not saying she had to come all the way here and give me a cake or something, but a call would have been nice." Even though she did forget, I'm not angry at my mom for that right now. It's her fault people are always telling me I look like a beautiful woman. I don't want to look like that, I want to look like a strong ice tiger; like a soldier.

My grandpa chuckles. "I guess you're right, that was pretty unfair of her."

I sigh. "I'm gonna get going."

"Oi, greedy cat! Get off of the table!" I hear him shout as I walk out of the door. It's cold out today, and pretty dreary too. I wonder if anyone will be at the rink when I get there, hopefully not, I feel like skating alone today, just want to clear my head.

Snow falls softly from the light grey clouds as I walk. I pull my phone out of my pocket, there's two new messages from Viktor. One is a picture of him, Yuuri, and his poodle smiling together, the other is a message asking: "Aren't we cute?"

I roll my eyes, if he sends me another stupid family photo again I'm going to flip my shit.

"I'm going to delete your number." I text back, then shove my phone back into my jacket. I reach the rink a few moments later, there's a car in the parking lot, I think it might be Mila's. Great, she's the last person I wanted to see today. I pull my hood up over my head, slinging my bag further up onto my shoulder as I push through the front doors.

I stop at one of the vending machines to get some chocolate milk, when I hear laughter come from the rink. Is there someone else in there with her? I open the bottle as I near closer, tipping some into my mouth. I see Mila skating on the ice slowly practising figures, there's another person watching closely near by. I choke on my drink when I realize who it is.

"O-Otabek?" I cough.

He turns around, dark eyes widening in surprise at me. "Yuri, hey."

Mila waves frantically. "Oh! Hey Yuratchka!" She grins.

I stand in the entrance and stare at them blankly.

She skates towards me. "Hellooooo, Earth to Yuri, are you deaf or something?"

I snap myself out of my daze quickly. "Uh, s-sorry, I just got distracted for a second." I peek at Otabek, he's skating over as well. His hair grew a bit longer and it's tied back into a small pony tail. He's wearing a sweatshirt that has the words "Russia" scrawled across the front and baggy sweatpants. Mila follows my gaze. "Oh! Did you notice the sweatshirt I bought for him at the airport?" She hugs him tightly when he comes off of the ice. "He looks cute right?"

A lump surfaces in my throat. "Wait, I'm confused, why is he here?" We make eye contact for a split second, he has a wary look in his eyes. I look away quickly.

Mila scratches the back of her neck awkwardly. "Oh yeah, come to think of it, I haven't really told anyone about this have I? I was planning to telling Yakov today after I showed Beka the rink, but I haven't gotten to it yet."

"Tell Yakov what?" I press, cringing at her nickname for him. Why do I feel so desperate to know? Why do I even care?

"Um," Otabek moves in then, putting his arm carefully around her waist. "I actually moved in with Mila a couple of days ago. I was planning on training here for a bit too."

I stare at him. "Wait, so, you guys are-"

Mila nods eagerly. "Together? A huh, we hooked up after the finals; I thought I told you about this, I guess not. But anyway," She flashes me her hand then, there's a diamond ring twisted around her finger. "We dated for like a year, and then he proposed. We're getting married!" She squeals happily.

The chocolate milk slips suddenly out of my hand and hits the floor with a thud. "Oh shit," I mutter as I bend down to clean it up.

"Hey! Be careful, you know Yakov is crazy about his carpets!"

I take my hood off. "Yeah, I know, um, I-I think I have some tissues, in my bag-"

Otabek's hand touches a piece of my hair softly. "Wow, your hair is so long now Yuri, it looks really nice." He smiles. I look at him in surprise, feeling my face turning hot. "Uh, oh yeah, I-I'm growing it out actually."

"Doesn't he look like a beautiful fairy?" Mila cooes.

I sneer at her.

"Actually, I think he looks more like a knight."

I snap my head towards him, he's giving me a soft, reassuring gaze. I try not to smile.

"OK whatever, I'm gonna go back out on the ice, Yuri clean that mess up already." Mila skates off.

I rummage through my bag for the tissues, then bend down to dab the milk up slowly.

"So, you're eighteen now right?" I hear him ask but I'm barely paying attention. I can still feel his fingers on my hair.

"Yeah." I stand up, throwing them in the trash behind me.

"I've seen you in a few competitions after the finals, you've gotten a lot better, I didn't even know that was possible." He laughs.

I watch him quietly. He looks back at me with a small smile. "Sorry for not staying in touch by the way, that wasn't OK of me. But things got really hectic after the GPF, my grandmother passed away, and then there's Mila..." He glances over at her with a lusting look in his eyes. My heart skips a beat in my chest, I look down at the floor.

"It doesn't matter, don't worry about it." I manage to say as I sit down on the bench, removing my sneakers slowly. We both had a life to go back to after the GPF, there's nothing we could do about it.

"It doesn't matter? Wow, that's kinda hurtful, I thought we were pretty close back then." He chuckles softly.

I glance up at him. "Yeah, I guess we were, but that was three years ago. Stuff happened, and there are more important things we should be focusing on now."

His watches me for a long time, then drops his head. "Heh, yeah, I guess you're right."

A sickening feeling wrenches itself into my stomach at his words. "You're right, I am."

It falls silent between us, a deep, irritating silence.

"Beka! Come skate with me before we leave!" Mila calls to him suddenly.

He nods at me before striding onto the ice, I ignore him and push down the lump that's not leaving my throat. It's funny how someone that I once considered to be a good friend, is now a complete stranger. I wonder what he thinks of me now. Did he look into my eyes and see a soldier still? Or did he see the weak and pathetic person that I've been all along? He says that he sees a knight now, I'm really not sure if that's better or worse.

I tighten my skates and stand up. It's obvious that I'll never know, and I doubt he even cares. So why, why can't I stop thinking about it? Why do I give a shit? My eyes fall on them smiling and skating together, a look is in his eyes that I'll never understand. It makes me angry and annoyed. Who even is he anymore? He's definitely not the same guy that I came to know back in Barcelona. He's changed so much, while I've been stuck here going nowhere.

Mila glances at me. "Hey, are you gonna come on the ice or not?" She shouts.

"I'm coming!" I call back. I step out onto the rink and skate over swiftly. Otabek is watching me, and there's now another look in his eyes. It's there for a split second, but I could see it.

It was nostalgia.


	2. Chapter 2: Words

"Whoo, I'm beat!" Mila pants as she collapses onto the bench, tying her hair up on top of her head."Jesus Yuri, you didn't have to challenge me to ten speed races across the rink you know."

I shrug and untie my skates. "You're just mad that you lost."

She chuckles. "I allowed you to win!"

"OK, whatever helps you sleep at night." I smile.

"Hey Beka, you ready to head out? I have to run some errands before we go home." She takes a quick swig of water.

I wipe beads of sweat from my forehead and glance at Otabek. He's looking down at his skates, almost like he's not sure why they're on his feet. "Yeah, I'm fine with that." He replies.

Mila stands up and stretches. "Alright, I'm just gonna use the washroom before we head out."

When she leaves it falls silent again, I slip my skates off, wiping the ice from the blades.

"This town is really beautiful." He speaks up suddenly.

I look at him. "Uh, yeah it is."

He gives a strained smile and then looks away.

"Is there something wrong? You've been kind of out of it for a while." I ask slowly, not really sure if I want to tread into these waters.

Otabek closes his eyes and tips his head back. "Yeah, I'm fine. I don't want to say anything that's going to bother you."

I study him for a while, he looks stressed. "You're not sure if you made the right decision right?"

He looks at me surprised. "What?"

"You know," I nod, "moving here and being with Mila, I know how much you love Kazakhstan, being away from it is going to change you. But I see the way you look at her, you've made the right choice, and you're still skating for your country, but at the same time, you're also with the woman that you love. What more do you want?"

He laughs and runs a hand through his hair. "I guess you're right Yuri, what more do I want?"

"I don't know, I mean, I've never been in love with someone, I've never had the chance to pursue my dreams all while actually having a future somewhere out of the rink. I envy you for that." I sigh, shoving my skates into my bag and zipping it closed.

"Well, you're only eighteen, you have a long time to find what you want."

I stop moving and drop my head, a sudden pain interrupting my heart beat. "I've been searching for what I've wanted ever since I was five years old and somehow I still haven't found it. I doubt it will come to me anytime soon, mainly because I don't even know what it is. Sometimes, I feel like I'm fighting for nothing you know?"

"Hey," I feel him move closer to me, his body heat radiating against mine. I look up startled and meet his intense gaze, his eyes seem to be looking right through me, making me feel exposed. "Since day one you've been fighting for what makes you happy, and that is this sport, your family, and the people that surround you."

I clench my teeth, what the hell does he know? I don't have a father, I barely see my mother, and I barely make time to be with my grandpa anymore. I-I feel so alone even when I have the few things in my life to support me."What family? What people that surround me Otabek?"

"Back in Barcelona, you always told me how much you looked up to Viktor and Yuuri, and how much you admired your grandfather, that you wanted to make them happy even if they were a pain in the ass sometimes. What changed? Those people are what make you happy, your skating is what motivates you to get better. What more do you need other than that?" He presses.

I step closer to him, he doesn't get it does he? "What is the use in fighting everyday if it isn't for yourself? Once all of those people are happy; where does that leave me? I-I thought you of all people understood that man, y-you came in and forced me to become friends with you, making me possibly the happiest person alive, making me feel that for once I didn't have to fight for someone, because someone was fighting for me! And then you-" I stop the words quickly. What the hell am I doing? This is the first time I've seen him in over three years, why am I exposing my feelings like this so suddenly. He doesn't care about me, my problems are not important to him. I was just some stupid fifteen year old kid who he thought was desperate for a friend, he's going to have a family soon, I'm going to be the last thing on his fucking mind, none of this even matters!

I turn away quickly. "J-Just forget it Otabek."

"How can I huh?" His voice sounds desperate, making my body go numb. "Even now you haven't realised that you fought for me and saved me too Yuri."

I look back at him slowly, he's trembling and his eyes look so empty. My hand moves on its own, why am I reaching for him-

"OK I'm done!" Mila suddenly comes back into the room. I snap my hand back and Otabek backs up awkwardly, turning quickly to face her. She gives him a quick kiss and then grabs her purse. "We'll see you Wednesday Yuuri, that's when training starts." She smiles.

I can barely even concentrate on what she's saying, all I can see is him, his back turned purposely away from me, trying to hide whatever emotions that were going to break through just a moment ago.

"A-Alright, see you around." I force the words out of my mouth.

He doesn't even turn around to say good bye.


	3. Chapter 3: People

My mind is black and fuzzy as I walk back home. The snow is falling heavier and the thick flakes are sticking to my hair, I want to pull up my hood and hide from the world, but I have no will to even try.

 _"How can I? Even now you haven't realized you fought for me and saved me too Yuri."_

I groan, what the hell does that even mean? I fought for him? Did I really make that big of an impact back then like he did on me? I thought I'd just been going with the flow, but maybe I did something better than I thought. Come to think of it, he always told me that he thought we were alike. Maybe he was just as alone as I was. I let out an exasperated breath. Well, unlike me, he's not alone anymore, he has someone to live for. But by the look in his eyes when he told me that he couldn't forget about what I'd apparently done for him, I honestly don't think Mila is enough to make him happy. But what is enough to make someone like him happy? I saw the way he looks at her, like he feels grateful, but when he looks at me; there's something else. Almost like a longing or desperation, like he's trying to reach out to me but he can't.

I look down at my hand, I guess him and I are alike; because that's exactly what I was trying to do too.

"Stop." I whisper. What I'm thinking right now isn't right, I don't deserve to acknowledge that Otabek may think so highly of me because he doesn't, he never will. I may be special to him in some way, but not in the way that Mila is to him. He's in love with her. He wants to marry her. He wants to start a family with her. They want to spend the rest of their lives together.

I feel my body start to quiver as a sudden emptiness overcomes me. W-Why does that thought make me feel so hollow inside?

"Hey? Hey wait up! I think you dropped something!" A voice calls frantically behind me suddenly.

I stop abruptly and turn around. It's a girl, she has silver hair and her eyes are a striking blue. I frown at her, she looks really familiar. She comes closer to me and shoves my ear buds in my face. "You dropped these." She says firmly.

I blink. "Uh, yeah, thanks." I take them from her slowly and slide them into my pocket.

We stand awkwardly for a while before I turn away, but she grabs my arm. "Um, wait, sorry, I'm um, I'm really lost. I haven't been to Moscow since I was young, and I'm trying to find my cousin's house but I can't seem to find the right address. I've tried asking other people but they just giving me really mean looks." She laughs timidly.

"Oh," I scratch my neck nervously. I'm not really used to having a conversation with someone other than my rink mates, Viktor and Yuuri, and my grandpa (and occassionally Piroshki, don't judge me). "What's the address?"

She frantically rummages through her blue jacket for a piece of paper, squinting down at it as she reads. I just noticed now that she has a lot of luggage with her, wonder where she's coming from. "Um, it's 241 Povarskaya Street, do you by any chance know where that is?"

I feel my eye twitch. You must be fucking kidding me. "Uh yeah, I actually do...Viktor Nikiforov lives there right?"

Her eyes widen. "Yeah, yeah, that's who I'm looking for! He's my cousin!" She says excitedly.

"Oh god," I sigh, I should have known, they're literally a spitting image of each other.

She frowns. "What? Did something happen to my Vicky, is he dead? Oh my god, Vicky is dead! What the hell am I gonna do, holy shit, I think I'm dying too! WHAT AM I GONNA DO OH MY GOD!" She screams.

"Hey, hey, chillax alright, no one is dead!" I laugh anxiously. This girl is insane!

She pants and clutches her chest. "Then what's wrong with him?"

"Nothing is wrong with him don't worry, it's just, him and I have a very interesting relationship, that's all. But I can show you were he lives, it's actually not too far from here."

"Whoo, OK," She sighs in relief, "that's awesome, thank you so much girl!"

I grind my teeth together, seriously? "Um, I'm actually a guy. My name is Yuri."

Her mouth drops open in surprise. "What? Are you serious? Oh my god, but your hair is so long and nice, what shampoo do you use?" She tries to touch my hair but I swat her hand away. "Ha, sorry, you're just so beautiful I couldn't believe you were a guy! And damn, your skin is amazing! Do you moisturize daily? Exfoliate?"

"Please stop asking so many questions."

She smiles. "Sorry, I'll calm down."

"Alright, great. Do you need me to carry any of your luggage?" I ask as we start walking again.

"Uh, no, I'm fine actually, it may not look like it, but there are actually guns in these arms." She flexes one of them and gives me a quick wink.

I burst out laughing. "OK, whatever you say."

"Um, I'm Anja by the way."

I nod, not really feeling like starting another conversation.

She clears her throat. "Viktor's amazing at skating right? I was hoping that while I stayed here, he could teach me some of his many tricks. I'm curious by the way, how do you know him?"

"We both train under the same coach actually," I glance at her, "and you're an ice skater too?"

She nods eagerly. "Yeah, hard to believe right?"

I shake my head. "No, not really. I'm actually one too."

She gasps. "Wait! Oh my God, I knew I recognized you from somewhere! YOU'RE YURI PLISETSKY RIGHT? THE 15 YEAR OLD WHO WON THE GRAND PRIX FINALS A FEW YEARS AGO!" She exclaims excitedly.

"Yeah, that's me." I give an awkward smile.

She puts a hand on her forehead. "Whoo, I think I'm gonna faint, I can't believe this is happening to me, I'm walking beside a celebrity!"

"Please don't faint."

"Sorry, I won't." She sighs. "So how does it feel? You know, to be a Russian celebrity?"

I shrug. "Doesn't really feel like anything, I'm used to it by now."

We cross a busy street and walk towards an area with tall, steel apartment buildings.

"Holy crap, Vicky lives in one of these!?" She squeals.

I nod as we get closer, entering through the front doors. We take an elevator to the fourth story and I lead her to his flat.

"Alright, I'm gonna head out before he finds out I'm here-"

"VICKY, VICKY, I'M HERE, IT'S ME ANJA OPEN UP AND I BROUGHT YURI PLISETSKY WITH ME!" She pounds loudly on the door.

"Oh for the love of God," I mutter as Viktor swings the door open quickly.

"ANNIIIEEE!" He shouts happily, encasing her in his arms. He's been growing his hair out again, mainly because Yuuri is doing it too. I self consciously tug at a strand of my hair; maybe that's why I haven't cut it yet.

His blue eyes fall on me and I freeze up. "Yuri? OMG what brings you here my son?"

I glare at him. "I'm not your son, stop calling me that."

Anja smiles at me. "Yuri actually helped me get here, he's a real gentleman."

Viktor slings his arm around my shoulder and rubs his cheek with mine. "I raised him right didn't I?" He says proudly as he tries to pull me into one of his stupid hugs.

"Get off of me," I groan, his breath smells like booze.

"Hey don't be like that my grumpy baby-"

"Viktor who's at the door?" I hear Yuuri call. He appears suddenly in the doorway, shirtless and holding a beer in his hand.

"Tch, are you guys really drinking right now?" I snap.

Viktor stumbles backwards. "Hey, it's Monday, how else are we gonna get through it?" He slurs.

I pinch the bridge of my nose. These two give me such a bad headache.

Anja barges in and hugs Yuuri tightly. "Hey Yura! Do you have any drinks for me?"

Yuuri blinks at her. "Um, who are you again?"

Viktor plants a sloppy kiss on his cheek. "That's my cousin, I thought I told you she was coming today."

He blushes. "Ah, no you didn't actually, but I guess it's not that big of a deal. You can stay in the guest room, I'll show you where it is." He takes one of her bags and leads her away, she follows giddily.

"Hey Yuri, quit standing in the doorway and come inside, we haven't seen each other in forever." Viktor says, he then picks up Makkachin and attacks him with multiple kisses. "Who's a good widdle dog? You are, yes you are!"

I try not to grimace at how gross it is and instead shove my hands into my pocket, letting out a long sigh. "I was actually just heading out so-"

"I heard Otabek's in town, did you know about this?" He says suddenly.

My body freezes at his words. "Yeah, I did."

He looks at me. "You've talked recently?"

I give him an annoyed look. "Why the fuck does it matter?"

"It doesn't," He sets Makkachin softly onto the floor, "I just know you guys used to be close, so I was only wondering."

"That was three years ago, shit changed." I mutter. Why am I getting so defensive?

Viktor plops down onto the couch and stretches out his arms. "Not everything changes, I mean, I thought you stopped being a grumpy teenager, but it turns out that wasn't true." He sighs.

"Bite me."

He tilts his head and gives me an annoying smile, narrowing his eyes at me. "I heard he and Mila are engaged now? She texted me a while ago, I was kinda surprised actually."

I clench my fists in my pockets. Why the hell is he bringing this up? Is he trying to piss me off? "Yeah, so what?"

He chuckles. "Oh nothing, I'm just surprised."

I snap. "Don't give me that-"

Anja barges suddenly back into the room, chugging down a bottle of beer. "WHOOOO! LET'S HAVE A DRINKING PARTY, I'M JET LAGGED AND I WANNA HAVE SOME FUUNNN!" She shouts.

I give Yuuri a flat look as he comes in behind her. "You actually gave her alcohol?"

He shrugs and tips back some more beer into his mouth.

"Damn, isn't my husband hot when he drinks?" Viktor cooes as he stares admiringly at him.

Yuuri gives him a seductive smile. "I can get even hotter if you want me too."

I slap my hands over my ears quickly and turn away. "UGH, oh my god, you guys are so fucking gross, I need to get out of here."

"Hey, waaaiiiittt, you're leaving already?" Anja follows me out into the hallway. "Thank you for getting me here by the way! I really appreciate your help!" She calls.

I give her a quick wave before ushering to the elevator. I release a huge sigh of relief when the doors close. Sometimes I wonder why I even associate myself with those two; especially Viktor. He's so irritating sometimes-and who the hell does he think he is to bring up Otabek like that? He has nothing to do with anything! Yeah we were close three years ago and Viktor really rooted for our friendship, but it's not like that anymore. I'm over it, so he should be too.

My phone dings as I reach the bottom floor. I pull it out; it's a message from Viktor.

"Great," I mutter as I open it up. I wonder what annoying shit he has to say now. As I read the message, my heart drops. What the fuck is this?

 _"You were in love with him weren't you?"_


End file.
